Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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