Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
