I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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