Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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