his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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