I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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