Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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