I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
