so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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