you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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