Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
