So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't turn off my feet"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize