if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
