there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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