Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
