his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
