Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
