I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
