I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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