apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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