someone get that fucking seahorse.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
