it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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