You're my little dorito
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
