We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
