I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
