I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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