There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize