New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
