I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am midnight drunk by noon
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
