One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I think I just shit out all my problems.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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