to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
