I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
