I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
