so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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