As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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