i just had sex bonerless
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
