do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
