I cannot find my penis.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
