i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
