I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
