I wish I only lived at night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
