i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
