How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
