i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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