I wanna bring you to show and tell
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
