the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
