How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
