8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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