I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
