Got a toothbrush?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
whose parrot is this?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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