Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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