can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
