I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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