i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
