ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
