The maid of honor just puked.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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