Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I love you. Go after that dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
