afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
