Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
