True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
