So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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