Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i will never coherently bang her
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize