Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
