I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
