i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
