does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize