Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
