More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
