Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
