Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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