Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
