I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
high people should be assigned attendants
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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