The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
