Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
