You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
