Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
