Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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