A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
