I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize