I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
