Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
