Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize