Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
