i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
