Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize