somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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