Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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