Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
