I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
