For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
