yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I AM VODKA MAN
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
