she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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