I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
