By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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