If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this beer tastes like vomit already
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
